


different

by cherishtxt



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort No Hurt, Coming Out, Crying, Fluff, Genderfluid Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherishtxt/pseuds/cherishtxt
Summary: soobin notices that something is bothering yeonjun.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	different

I take one last look at myself in the mirror, pretty, pink hair pulled into a ponytail, neck concealed behind a monochromatic, cotton collar, and legs enveloped by polka-dotted, skinny jeans. Our final performance has come to an end, and it’s now time to head home.

In my periphery, I notice Soobin’s eyes on me while I change out of my leather vest and turtleneck. I wink at him, hoping to fluster the boy, but his eyes don’t falter. He doesn’t even play along.

“Yeonjun-Hyeong?” Soobin calls out to me a mere minute later. The sound of his voice surrounds me cozily.

“Yes?” 

“You did a great job on stage.” 

“It was nothing.” I smile. 

Soobin thoughtfully glances at the ground.

“Stay back with me for a moment,” he says. It’s posed as a command, but I know that there’s room for rejection. Unfortunately, I like Soobin too much to shy away from his company. So, I nod in accord before turning my attention back towards the in-ear monitors wrapped around my fingers to be placed into their pouch. 

As soon as I’ve tidied up, I approach Soobin on the cream-colored couch at the center of our dressing room. I fidget with my fingers, fighting the urge to do so with Soobin’s instead.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Nothing in particular… I just wanted to be with you.” I highly doubt that’s true. He can’t have been eyeing me all evening for no reason.

“Soobin… Tell me the truth,” I assert. Soobin pouts a bit, appearing apprehensive.

Finally, he speaks up, “You went to the restroom before the shoot, didn’t you?” 

My heart stops, and fear immediately rushes through my veins, but I refuse to let it show.

“Yes. Why?” 

“I went, too, right after you. You were leaving by the time I arrived, but I definitely saw you,” he explains. “Hyeong-ah… I’d like you to be honest with me. What happened?” 

I try to smile, but there’s an obvious darkness in my eyes. 

“What do you mean?” I ask as a weak attempt at deflecting. Soobin reaches for my hands and holds them gently. 

“Yeonjun-Hyeong, why were you crying? Is something giving you a hard time?” I’m at a loss. I wasn’t prepared to be outright exposed, but I suppose that’s the price I get to pay for letting my guard down in public. 

“Soobin-ah…” I start. “I- I don’t know why I cried.” It’s a blatant lie, but I find it to be more convenient than going through the effort of explaining myself.

“How did you feel at the time?” Soobin tries.

“I felt…” My breath hitches, interrupting me. A couple of silent seconds pass before Soobin lets go of my hands, causing a surge of panic to run through me.

“Yeonjun-Hyeong-”

“Don’t call me Hyeong,” I blurt out. Soobin is noticeably taken aback by the odd request, but he chooses not to address it just yet. He simply abides.

“Yeonjun, breathe… It’s just me. You know I’d never judge you. Now, I won’t force you to tell me anything, but just know that I’m worried about you. I don’t plan on letting this go.” 

“I want…” The words get caught in my throat. “I’m sorry. I’m really trying,” I grumble, irritated. Soobin’s expression softens.

“It’s okay, Love. How about we head home and talk there? We shouldn’t leave Manager-Hyeong-Nim waiting for too long.” 

“Okay.” Mustering up the last of my courage, I reach back out for Soobin’s hand.

* * *

Despite his incessant teasing, Soobin is one of the members I believe I can trust the most with serious matters. Maybe it has to do with us being closer in age or the fact that Soobin is our team’s leader, but I can’t picture myself opening up so easily towards the others. He seldom judges my quirks; he’s quite tolerant. I appreciate his kind nature.

That’s why, when the night falls, and Soobin knocks on the door leading into my room, I reveal myself on the other side of the door frame without hesitating. I let him in.

“Soobinie, come sit on my bed.” We sit against the headboard, side by side.

“It’s been a long day… you must be tired.”

“I guess so.”

“How has your day been?” My heartbeat already begins to accelerate slightly.

“It’s been… different,” I say. Soobin tilts his head, peering into my eyes.

“How so?” He waits for a response only to get nothing from me. “Yeonjun?”

In truth, my day hasn’t been all that different. Only, today, I’ve been different. It isn’t the first time I’ve felt different, but it is the first time someone has noticed.

“What do you think of me, Soobin?” I ask him out of the blue. Rather than pointing out its irrelevance, Soobin gives the question some thought.

“When I think of Hyeong, I think he’s the prettiest boy I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he smirks. He’s well aware that praise is one of my weaknesses. Predictably, I cough into my fist to hide my embarrassment.

“Didn’t I tell you not to call me Hyeong?” I scold.

“Right. Why not?” My blood runs cold. 

“Soobin…”

“It’s okay, Yeonjun-ah. You don’t have to tell me…”

“No… I want to,” I admit. Soobin fondly raises an eyebrow at me.

“Take your time.” I breathe deeply, trying to release the overflowing tension from my body.

“Today, Huening called me Noona after I got styled for We Lost the Summer.” Soobin frowns apologetically.

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Having longer hair or wearing traditionally feminine clothes doesn’t make you any less of a man.” I shake my head.

“No, you’re misunderstanding…” 

“What?” My heart pounds powerfully.

Slowly, I confess, “Sometimes… I feel like a girl, and I want to be treated like one.” The silence that follows is suffocating. Anxiety crawls along my rib cage, jeopardizing my weak heart. However, Soobin breaks the silence before it can get out of hand.

“Noona…” he mumbles. “Do you want me to call you Noona?” I let out a shaky breath I didn’t know I was holding. There’s no going back.

“I really, really do.” 

“Yeonjun-Noona,” Soobin smiles. “Thank you for trusting me.” Without warning, my tears start pouring like raindrops. Soobin cups my cheeks and wipes them away. “Hey... you want to know a secret, Noona?” he whispers. I gulp, eyes fluttering frantically.

“What is it?” I ask, breathless.

“The truth is… When I think of Noona, I think she’s the prettiest person I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Involuntarily, my lips expand into an undeniably delighted smile. Everything about this is so surreal, I’m afraid to believe it.

“Uh, thank you, Soobin.” My cheeks render pink as strawberry milk under Soobin’s sweet gaze. He places a light kiss on either side of my face, kicking my heart into overdrive as he does it.

Almost as an afterthought, Soobin murmurs, “Why did you cry?” I bite my lip in thought.

“I went to the bathroom to see it for myself- what Hueningie was seeing. I just… I guess I couldn’t believe my eyes.”

“Did you like what you were seeing?”

“Yes…” I sigh.

“What did you like seeing?” I remember it clearly.

“I liked seeing my hair tied and the shape of my body in that outfit.” Soobin hums in thought.

“Then we’re going to have to go shopping at some point, aren’t we?” My eyes light up.

“Really?”

“Don’t you want to see yourself in something like that again? Something that’s all yours to wear whenever you want?”

“Won’t people find me weird?” I grimace.

“I don’t know… I’d find you gorgeous, personally.” 

“Choi Soobin!” I smack his arm in disbelief. “Stop that.” Soobin cackles at my flustered expression. Underneath all that sweetness, there lies an unforgiving sadist.

“Okay! I promise, I won’t keep doing that. There’s a few more things I need to ask you about, though.” I roll my eyes, unimpressed.

“What?”

“When you feel like a girl, you like being referred to that way, don’t you?” Hearing it being said out loud feels humiliating for some strange reason, but I try to overcome that feeling. 

“Yes…”

“How would you feel about telling the members, then?”

“Please, don’t…” Soobin cards one hand through my hair affectionately.

“Why not?” he asks.

“I shouldn’t be encouraged to feel this way. It’s confusing… It’s wrong.”

“Really? It’s wrong? Is that why you felt so happy with your reflection in the mirror? Because it was wrong?” he questions.

“No, Soobin…” I whimper, growing insecure. “It doesn’t feel wrong, but it doesn’t make sense. It can’t be right…” Soobin closes his eyes for a moment.

“A lot of things don’t make sense,” he says, opening them back up. “People have to learn to accept that.” 

“Why is this happening to me?” 

“Yeonjun… Noona, I’m a part of the LGBTQ community. You know what that is, don’t you?” I’m shocked by his honesty. I will admit that I’ve had my suspicions in the past but never expected to have them confirmed.

“I know what that is,” I manage to disclose.

“I had to learn the hard way that people are not always the same. There’s a significant amount of people in this world who feel just like you do. They question who they are and how they should be treated because they don’t feel comfortable being what’s considered normal. Do you understand what I’m saying? It’s not wrong for you to feel this way.” My chest aches listening to him speak. I come to the conclusion that I might have to live with this unusual side of myself for as long as it keeps coming out of me. Perhaps, I might even have to ask that others live with it, too.

“I… I understand,” I say, looking down. Soobin quickly changes that by lifting my head by the chin until we lock eyes.

“You’re going to be okay, Noona. There’s nothing to fear,” he declares. I can’t help it when I throw myself into his arms, head resting on his shoulder while quiet sobs escape my mouth. He holds on tight. Eventually, nothing but the ticking clock can be heard throughout the room.

“Do you want me to sleep with you, or should I go back to my room?” Soobin offers.

“I’d like to stay like this for a lot longer if that’s okay…”

Soobin giggles and then lets out a soft, “Goodnight, Noona.”

“Goodnight, Soobinie.” 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading~ please let me know what you think.


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